1. |
Suffer
02:57
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If I'm being honest with myself I haven't been sleeping so well, maybe it's the music I leave on or all the worries I'm left to think about. Looking back, you always pushed me to strive for something more than you ever had in your entire life and I love for that dad, but it's that same stride for something that makes me hate who I am and I've lost control at this point, stress is the only thing motivating me anymore. I'm hoping for the best but expecting the worst, every time I go to sleep I think about all the things that scare me the most, will I make you proud or will I let you down, It's that feeling of fear that makes it hard to open up so I'll slam the door shut hard and keep you out. Shut the world out. So I’ll hope for the best but expect the worst, in the pit of my stomach I can feel it hurt but at least I tried and at least I worked to some extent to make you feel like I have some worth, so I’ll hope for the best and expect the worst, in the pit of my stomach I can feel it hurt, well at least I tried, well at least I worked.
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2. |
January, 2012.
02:52
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Being haunted by that dream ever since the day he died, does it bother you that you’ll never see his face again? And they told me, “The pain goes away with time”, Well how long do I have to wait to see you smile again? I remember the late nights in January watching you blow smoke on the porch, you always said you wouldn’t “end up like your mom”. Let the small things blow up and just die out with the smoke. Take another hit of your cigarette you always told me you’d quit, but I never believed it. I just want you around when I grow up and not end up like your family that’s just ripping apart. One foot in the grave, do you still picture his face when you saw him in your dreams and you said, “I’m not scared that you’re leaving, I’m just scared I’ll never see you again” and you’re just begging to tell him what you know now and I've been watch you suffer for quite some time. Mom, I know it hurts to move on but he’s just a memory.
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3. |
On Your Way Out
04:03
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Where do I even begin? Those lazy summer morning, where you never felt like getting up, turned into a lifestyle and now your parents are left to pick up the pieces of you that never grew up, I guess we all have to get over it, but you just stayed in the basement used tobacco on the floor and empty beer cans in piles, I miss that person you were, the same guy who made freshman year a hell but the same guy who made me feel welcomed. Please don't push me away, I'm just trying to help get my friend back that I feel like drugs robbed me off. I know you got what you wanted, but did you get what you need, I don't know what to say. I still remember the Good Times every day after school in your backyard and every time I spent the night., or how about that time we walking at 2 AM, just us guys, we'd past the time talking about the future, but now the future just ain't the same because you ain't here to enjoy it with me. You're all alone. Its funny how I'm recalling yesterday like it's today. I just had to let go. I guess that's life. I guess that's living. Every person I've talked to says they're missing you too, but that's just living, that's just moving on, That's just living, or whatever it's called.
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4. |
Housefires, 1993.
02:04
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I’m slowly drifting off and fading to the background, nothing but noise but since I’m placing the blame here, It’s my own fault. Maybe I need to lose everything to know what I what to lose. Maybe I had to get lost to find you. It’s only getting brighter until you can't see anything.
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5. |
Tough Love
03:26
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Waking up, I can see you in the living room. Movies on, Mom’s watching you play. I feel bad I don’t want you here. It’s not my fault, right. It's my home and not your's. Don’t ask me why it’s so hard for me to accept you. I've got these issues that I can’t describe, but I’m trying to. It just gets difficult when you feel like the spotlight is taken off of you pointed somewhere else. You barely know your mom, never met your dad. The things I take for granted you’ll never get, all of these things I take for granted, so why am I so selfish when I’m never home? I point the finger at you for my bad grades & stress, I guess it’s easier to blame others than myself but I’m trying my best to make the most of this and my selfish nature will be the death of me. I won’t let go of anything, but I know it’s not your fault and I just want you to know, in a few years, when you hear this song, I don’t hate you, I just hate how things panned out. It’s just a labor of love.
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6. |
Bloom.
01:32
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Slowly but surely I've been watching you lose your faith and throw God away, but what can I do to help you out when you don't want help? I miss that person you used to be, I miss that guy that I could call a friend, I miss that, I miss you.
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